Cleaned and corrected and by Tronar.
Studio "A", this is Master Control.
- You're up on router 7. Have a good show. - Thank you.
Stand by audio, stand by VTR. Four minutes out.
Janie, I need you standing by for a possible comeback after 5:00.
Andruw Jones is spelled with a "U".
And Cris Collinsworth doesn't have an "H".
- Doesn't have an "H"? - Doesn't have an "H".
- Why doesn't Collinsworth have an "H"? - It never had an "H".
It has an "H" at the end.
He's saying "Cris" doesn't have an "H".
Anybody know why there's a 20-pound frozen turkey
up in the light grid?
Dana, Elliott wants to know
why there's a 20-pound frozen turkey in the light grid.
It's 24 pounds.
I'll tell him that,
but then he'll probably just want to know
why there's a 24-pound frozen turkey in the light grid.
Why is there a 24-pound frozen turkey up in the light grid?
- I'm thawing it out. - You're thawing out a turkey on the light grid?
Anybody got a problem with that?
- Not me. - Cool with me.
It's like a week before Thanksgiving.
- This is just a dry run. - A dry run on the turkey?
My whole family's coming to New York... 18 people.
- And this is your first time making the dinner? - Yes.
- It's a rite of passage into adulthood. - Yes.
It's a time for giving thanks,
a time to share in the warm embrace of family.
Right. You don't want to take any crap from your mother.
I really don't.
- You're doing the right thing. - I need to see how long it takes to thaw.
Three minutes in.
By the way...
you know what today is?
- It's Monday. - What else?
Uh, it's November 23rd.
And what does that mean?
Come on.
November 23rd.
What happened on this date?
- Boston College upsets Notre Dame? - Wrong.
- Gretzky's 500th goal? - Think.
- Alberto Salazar wins his fourth New York Marathon? - No.
Alberto Salazar wins his third New York Marathon?
- Casey, you're not... - Does it have anything to do
- with Alberto Salazar or the New York Marathon? - No.
- Let me take one more stab at it. - Go.
Alberto Salazar wins his second New York marathon?
- Casey... forget about it. - Come on, what is it?
- Come on. - No, forget about it. Forget about it.
Kim, this is my daughter's number in San Francisco.
- Would you keep trying her for me, please? - Sure.
Is there a problem with Kathy?
There's no problem, but she's due in 10 days.
Esther flew out there this morning to be with her.
She should've landed by now,
but I haven't heard from either of them yet.
30 seconds to VTR.
Have a good show, everybody.
Isaac, Esther and Kathy are fine.
You're gonna be a grandfather in 10 days,
so try not to make everybody crazy.
Esther and I had a fight this morning before she left.
- What about? - Nothing.
Kim, keep calling.
Jeremy...
November 23rd... does that date ring a bell?
And don't go to the computer.
- Don't have to. - What is it?
It was on this day in 534 B.C.
that Thespis stepped out onto the stage
of the Theater Dionysus during a choral song and dance
and became the first man
to speak words as an actor in a play.
- Tell me I was supposed to know that. - I don't want to talk about it.
60 in. Roll VTR.
Thespis?
The first actor, now a mischievous ghost.
He likes to wreak havoc on performances of any kind.
I'd brace yourself for a strange show tonight.
It's not gonna be a strange show.
He might wreak havoc.
- He's not gonna wreak havoc. - He might.
This show's locked up tight as a drum.
Thespis likes a challenge.
Thespis has been dead for 2,500 years.
You really think you should be baiting him like this?
"I fear not ghosts. I fear them not."
Your courage is an inspiration.
You're just messing with me, right?
- Sure. - The show's gonna be fine tonight...
- Yes. - tight as a drum.
You betcha.
All right, why wasn't I briefed
about this Thespis thing before?
- Dana, I... - Did you know about this Thespis thing?
It's bad to panic, Dana. Thespis can smell fear a mile away.
All right, we just need to get through the top half-hour.
That's right.
Anything that ever goes wrong with the show
- goes wrong during the top half-hour. - Nothing's going wrong.
Not if we can get through the top half-hour.
- Mortals. - Jeremy!
Thespis likes to play the full 60 minutes.
- Give me one more hint. - Forget about it.
- Danny... - It's not important.
In 3... 2...
Good evening. From New York City,
I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall.
Those stories, plus we're gonna take a swing through the NFL,
where there were more than a few upsets yesterday.
We'll take you out to Pauley Pavilion
for a Pac-10 matchup you won't believe,
and we'll take you out to Watkins Glen
for a NASCAR rules explanation we can't understand.
All that coming up after this.
You're watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so stick around.
- We're out. - We're in commercial.
- Two minutes back. - 28 minutes to go.
The MLS, Major League Soccer...
and if you know me,
you know I eat, drink, and breathe soccer.
Without delay, the Miami Fusion,
the D.C. United... let's go to the action.
Blake kicks the ball with high hopes
that it'll enter the goal, but it does not.
Stand by 22.
Give me a preview on FX 7, V.O. 9, and show me the board.
- He doesn't know the route. - Here's 7.
Here's 9... Show me the board. ...Board's up.
Asked him to rehearse the route, but he wouldn't listen.
You're babbling, Isaac.
- He hasn't rehearsed the route. - Who?
Douglas, my son-in-law.
How can he find the hospital if he hasn't rehearsed the route?
Isn't Douglas a radar officer in the Navy?
Yes, and if we were scrambling F-16s,
I'd trust him to find the flight deck of the USS Coral Sea,
but we're having a baby, and you can't find Berkeley General
unless you rehearse the route.
Think that's crazy?
No crazier than thawing out a turkey on the light grid.
- What are you doing on the light grid? - It's not important.
Isaac, it's your wife.
- Oh, finally. - You see?
Stand by FX 7, V.O. 12.
Good.
With the NHL season well underway,
one of the big questions on the minds of fans
is if the defending-champion Red Wings will pull off a three-peat
and drink from Lord Stanley's Cup once again.
- Ready five. - For more on that,
we go to Tracy Heller, who's standing outside
the Detroit Wed Wings rocker room.
- Red Wings rocker room. - Oh, man.
Or possibly the Detroit Red Wings locker room.
- Take five. - 2 1/2 minutes back.
Thespis?
It's his special day.
Let me take one more shot at it. Is it, um...
Our anniversary.
Our anniversary?
Our anniversary. Today is our anniversary.
Jeez, Dan, that night in Minneapolis with the Jagermeister,
we didn't do anything untoward, did we?
- You mean did we get married? No. - Yeah.
Good.
We recited the St. Crispin's Day speech
in the lobby of the St. Paul Radisson.
- Was it untoward? - No, it was just embarrassing.
So, uh, how is it our anniversary?
It's the anniversary of our first show... November 23rd, 5 years ago.
No, we went on the air two years last July.
I'm not talking about "Sports Night,"
I'm talking about our first broadcast.
"Lone Star."
"Lone Star Sports."
November 23rd?
That's right.
What do you want from me?
Nothing, Casey.
I'm just gonna sit over here and do my show.
Impersonating my ex-wife never won anyone a place in my heart.
- It's an important day to me. - It's an important day to me, too.
I don't think it is.
- How can I prove it to you? - Remembering it would be a step in the right direction.
One minute back.
So, Thespis is the Roman god of theater?
That's exactly right, except he's not Roman, and he's not a god.
- What is he? - He's Greek, and he's a ghost.
- Who's Artemis? - Artemis?
Artemis is goddess of the moon, the hunt,
chastity, and fertility.
Ooh! Your boy knows his mythology.
- Give him another one. - Athena.
Goddess of wisdom, the arts, and war.
Mercury.
God of commerce, wrestling, gymnastics,
thieving, good luck, sleep, wealth, and dreams.
Wow.
There's a God of thieving?
There's a God of gymnastics?
Yes, indeed.
- 10 seconds back. - Ready four.
I remember what you were wearing.
Do you remember what I was wearing?
I remember not thinking at the time that you were a woman.
In 3... 2...
Thanks, Tracy. You can see the Red Wings take on the Maple Leafs
tomorrow night at 7:30 right here on CSC,
as Bob Lowry and Steve Capps bring you all the action from Toronto. Casey.
The PGA tour was in Scottsdale yesterday
for the final round of the Kingsbridge Open.
Going into the 12th hole...
You and Esther make up?
Kim, get me on the next flight to San Francisco.
- What do you need... - Do it now, Kim.
Uh, take over.
Natalie's got the wheel, everybody.
...can only be called inspirational.
The ball flew through the air with the greatest of ease...
Put up 20, 21, and 22 on a preview screen.
Casey, heads up.
I need you to stretch a 20 blind roll into a 30.
You all right?
Yeah.
...on the leaderboard. Dan.
I'm gonna fly out tonight, honey.
I'll meet Mom and your sister at the hospital.
I'll have Carmen stay there tonight.
Honey, don't argue with me.
I'll call you back in a few minutes.
I'll call you back.
Get back to the control room.
What's going on?
Dana, get back to the damn control room.
Natalie's fine for a couple of minutes.
She's having an emergency C-section.
They're doing it right now.
What happened?
She was cleaning the kitchen when Esther got there.
Esther said she doubled over in pain
and started screaming.
The O.B. said there was massive internal bleeding.
She was unconscious when she got to the E.R.
Is Kim working on the plane tickets?
Yes, yes. Why don't you sit down?
She's nine months pregnant.
What's she doing cleaning the kitchen?
She's hoping to make a good impression on her mother,
but that's not why she was bleeding.
Did they say anything to you about something called placenta previa?
That's what it is.
It happened to my brother's wife, Shelly.
Two weeks before she was due, massive hemorrhaging,
rushed to the hospital.
- What happened? - Shelly was fine.
What about the baby?
They lost the baby, but Shelly was fine.
You should get back to the show.
Yeah. Mmm...
I'll be back in a few minutes.
Okay.
- You all right? - Yeah.
Miami of Ohio and Bowling Green State
aren't two teams that are normally in the national spotlight
unless you're speaking of their departments of physics
and Native American studies respectively...
- Thank God. - What's going on?
We blew the cue at 44.
Well, that's not so bad. Anything else?
We had the wrong V.O. at 42, the wrong Chyron at 50,
and we would've had 20 seconds of dead air at 55
if Casey hadn't been thinking on his feet.
- What'd he do? - I think it was the St. Crispin's Day speech. I'm not sure.
- She did fine. - There's water dripping on the desk.
- What desk? - The anchor desk.
Natalie, get someone up there and find out what's going on.
I was gone three minutes. Is there anything that didn't get screwed up?
- We spelled Cris Collinsworth right. - Good.
In 3... 2...
Thank you, Matt.
We're gonna take a break for 2 1/2 minutes and pay some bills,
but when we come back, we're gonna have college hoops,
bowl predictions, and a steeplechase that got out of hand.
You're watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so don't go far.
- We're out. - 2 1/2 back.
Dana, what the hell's going on?
Listen to me, Isaac's having a family emergency,
but there's nothing we can do about it from here.
Everybody got that? Get your heads in the game!
We are gonna get through the top half-hour!
I'm not gonna be beaten by a 6,000-year-old Roman god!
He's a 3,000-year-old Greek ghost.
Well, I'm a 33-year-old television producer,
and for one hour every night,
this is my little corner of the world,
and nothing screws up here unless I screw it up!
You got that?!
Why is there still water dripping on this desk?!
Say, Dana...
this wouldn't happen to be your frozen turkey
by any chance, now, would it?
Well, clearly I'm going to be taking crap from my mother.
Two minutes back.
In the NCAA, there ain't no such thing as free lunches,
much less free skybox tickets or free hotel rooms.
That's why Southern University wideout Marcus Ryan
will sit out two games.
Ryan's suspension comes to a total of five games...
Ready S.O.T.
- Go 90. - Marcus...
- Just answer me this. - What are you, the Riddler?
What was wrong with you that day?
- There was nothing wrong. - Why won't you tell me?
I was nervous. It was our first show.
- You weren't nervous. There was something wrong. - Why are we still talking about this?
Was it 'cause of what happened with Conan O'Brien's show?
It had nothing to do with Conan's show.
You've made way too much out of that.
- In 3... - My name was mentioned a couple times.
- 2... - I was never seriously considered for the show.
In this week's police blotter,
a judge in New York has issued a court order
for the arrest of former defensive end Mark Gastin
for violating a court order,
while in a Houston courtroom,
Sacramento backup power forward Jason Grisham
was pleading "no contest"
to charges that he hit a fan over the head with a bottle of fine cognac.
For more psychotic behavior, here's Jack Jankowitz.
Yes, you were.
Yes, I was, what?
Being seriously considered for Conan's show.
- No, I wasn't. - Yes, you were,
and when you didn't get it, you were stuck doing a little sports show with me in Dallas.
- It was a good show, Danny. - It wasn't good enough for Lisa.
Yeah, what was good enough for Lisa?!
- What haven't you told me? - There's no mystery here.
Casey, I've known you for 10 years. We've been working together for five of them.
What haven't you told me?
Natalie, how much time do I have?
Another 15 seconds on this,
then Dan's got two minutes, then a 2-minute "C" break.
I'm gonna stretch my legs.
We're back in 3... 2...
We'll come back to Jack Jankowitz later in our show.
In women's college hoops,
the Pac-10's been having a good season
with four teams in the top 25.
On Sunday, the Bruins went in the valley of the sun
for a conference matchup against Arizona State.
Any news?
No.
Do you want some company?
No.
Tough.
Did a big frozen turkey fall down on the anchor desk
during the last commercial?
- Yes. - And why?
Ah, Isaac, is there really an answer I can give to that question that will satisfy you?
I don't think so.
Then don't worry about it.
Esther and I had an argument this morning
before she left for the airport.
About what?
She said I wasn't showing enough enthusiasm
about the baby.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
No, it's not.
I guess I've been feeling my age.
I was rude to my son-in-law.
I said to my daughter Kathy
that I was too young to be a grandfather.
What the hell kind of thing
is that to say to your daughter?
Huh.
Anyway...
I'm sorry we fought this morning.
In a funny way, Danny and I are having the same fight right now,
only he doesn't know it's about a fight
that Lisa and I had five years ago.
You've never told him, have you?
No.
Why?
I don't know.
You got to learn to show people how you feel about them, Casey.
- Why do I have to prove it to him? - 'Cause he feels like a consolation prize.
He's not.
Tell him.
So, you say a few words,
you make a gesture,
you remember an important date.
Small price to pay for what you get in return.
For what you get in return, it's a steal.
The rest is all vanity.
What?
- I was gonna hug you. - Oh, please don't.
As a gesture.
Oh. Okay.
Call the studio when you get some news.
I've named this Thanksgiving.
I'm calling it "The Thanksgiving of Mom's disapproval."
Included on the 2-record set are the hit songs.
"Why Aren't You Married?"
And "Sports Is No Place for an Educated Woman"
and "Didn't Anyone Ever Tell You How to Cook a Turkey?"
On the turkey front, she may have a reasonable point.
Tell me the mission of Thespis.
What's his M.O.?
By and large, the mission of any ghost is to offer humility.
They point out what's important by mocking what is not.
I'm not sold. I'm not sold at all.
Stand by in 3... 2...
Welcome back. If you're joining us late...
Dana, Broadcast Center says we should expect some trouble
with our transmission in the next couple minutes.
What kind of trouble?
Well, that was certainly uncalled for.
- No, I mean it. - Why are you looking at me?
Elliott, get someone on the phone
and find out what's going on
and how long we can expect it to be going on for.
How am I bothering Thespis?
What have I done? What have I done to this ghost,
who, by the way, no one has ever heard of but you?
What have I done that he should choose, like Jacob Marley,
to spend an entire night in the studio
just slapping us around?
You're not bothering Thespis.
- I'm obviously bothering Thespis. - He's fine.
It's a power grid upstate. They should have us back on in a couple minutes.
I just wanted to make a nice Thanksgiving dinner.
Well, not exactly.
What do you mean, "not exactly"?
It's none of my business.
Well, I'm making it your business.
You can't just make it my business.
Well, I-I just did.
You're underestimating your mother.
You get to see your family, what, twice a year?
Savor it.
Your mother's gonna love you whether or not you screw up the turkey.
My mother's gonna annoy me whether or not I screw up the turkey.
Which leads us to the conclusion
that your mother loves you even though she annoys you,
and it's Thanksgiving,
so which do you want to focus on?
For a guy who's read "The Hobbit" 14 times,
you're not so dumb.
- Hi. - Hey, Casey.
I was on television for a little while there, and then I wasn't anymore.
It's got to be pretty disturbing for someone like you.
I think it'd be pretty disturbing
for someone like you, too.
It's a television show, Casey.
I'm not thinking about worldly things at the moment.
Okay.
- Is anyone?! - A power grid's down.
We'll be up in a few minutes. You should stay at the desk.
- There's not gonna be any more poultry falling down? - Who can say?
Stay at your desk.
- What's going on in there? - A power grid's down. We're supposed to stand by.
Thank you.
I was gonna buy you some flowers on the way back from the control room, but...
I don't know if you noticed,
but I dropped that, like, 15 minutes ago.
Good.
- I just think that... - Danny...
they offered me Conan's show.
They did?
- Yeah. - They offered it to you?
There was an offer. They offered me the show.
- And you passed? - Yeah.
- You passed on your own network show? - Yeah.
To work with me in Dallas?
- It was clear we were going national. - No, it wasn't.
Look, I passed on the show. What does it matter why?
If you passed on the show,
Lisa must've gone thermal.
She wasn't happy.
Case...
...was that the beginning of the end
with you and Lisa?
Yeah.
Casey.
Casey, Casey, Casey...
Look, I appreciate your fond wishes...
- Are you stupid? - What happened to the fond wishes?
You turned down "Late Night"?
- I wouldn't have been any good on that show. - Yes, you would've.
- No, I wouldn't have. - You would've been great.
- Danny... - You would've been great.
- I would've been embarrassing. - That is flat-out not true.
What did that woman do to your confidence?
How many hits did you have to take to your ego?
Guys, this is a 60-second heads-up.
Apologize for technical difficulties,
and we'll start right back up with 101.
Fellas, can I talk to you a second?
You would've been great.
You would've been very good.
Thank you.
You're very good on this show.
Oh, yeah, I know...
But thanks for saying so.
I appreciate the gesture.
So we're gonna be three minutes long.
Okay.
Tell me what happened.
I got a 6-pound, 8-ounce grandson named Matthew,
and his mother's doing just fine.
Oh, that's the best news I've ever heard!
We got the studio back.
Oh! Um...
Hey, guys, Isaac's a grandfather.
Hey! Congratulations, Isaac!
Mazel tov!
Healthy baby boy.
Have a cigar.
Say...
Quick question...
how come we're not on the air?
We've had our share of technical problems tonight
as well as paranormal interference,
but we think once we get done with the top half-hour,
we should be out of the mythological penalty box, if you will.
Anybody know what the hell she's talking about?
30 seconds back. We're back in 30.
Stand by FX 22.
Stand by S.O.T. V.O. 19, 20, and 21.
Make sure Janie's there for the flat five.
Listen to this phone call I just got.
Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford were accepting
a humanitarian award over at the Sheraton.
Kathie Lee got up to the podium,
slipped and fell face first into a plate of tapioca.
- At the Sheraton? - Yeah.
- All the way across town? - Yeah.
Aaah! Ladies and gentlemen,
Thespis has left the building!
- Nice! - Yes!
In 3... 2...
Good evening again. Still here in New York City.
I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell,
and you can't get rid of us quite that easily.
Let's get right to it with a preview
of tomorrow's big A.C.C. contest
between the Blue Devils of Duke
and the Tar Heels of North Carolina.
For more on that, I give you my partner, Dan Rydell.
Thanks, Casey.